After what was a seemingly quiet weekend, it's now 12:37 am on Monday morning, and all of a sudden I've sat and thought long and hard, more than I have in weeks.
Maybe it's the rain outside the apartment window, maybe it's the fact that a wonderful man is soundly asleep next to me, maybe it's the beautiful roses I picked up from the farmers market today, maybe it's the the song I have been dancing along to all night, maybe it's the fact that I've been working on my portfolio for the past three days non stop, and it's finally done, maybe it's because I haven't had an all nighter in two years, maybe it's the time I spent with my mother, grandmother, aunt, and little cousin (who adores me like a big sister, and has told me so, only to reduce me to a blubbering maternal mess).
Who knows.
Maybe it's the excitement for the coming weeks, the actual looking forward to something, without it actually being anything specific I am looking forward to, maybe it's the hope I suddenly have gotten back in the last two weeks after feeling so directionless and stagnant, maybe it's the Urban Decay release happening at the end of this month (I'm starting to think that might be a huge reason for this humming of underlying excitement), maybe it's the new cute as a button vest I bought on the weekend, maybe it's my new lamp stacked up on my many copies of Vogue in the corner of my room, maybe it's going to the printers tomorrow for a project, something I haven't done in a very long time.
Maybe it's me looking forward to becoming a healthier, happier person in 2015, maybe it's the sense of relief I feel when I see for myself that being without a sense of direction can be a truly liberating experience, maybe it's the sheer number of dogs I have said hello to and patted fondly this weekend, maybe it's the hot dog I ate for lunch (it's a good chance it's that), maybe it's the delight I feel when I think about the goals I have for the coming months, maybe it's the thought of just being alive and life being a wonderful thing sometimes.
Maybe it's me chatting with one of my closest friends over text for a little while today, and feeling so taken care of by her, even though we're just having a normal conversation, and feeling the distance between us isn't so great. Maybe it's me, finally realising how wonderful my life is, how lucky I am, how truly blessed I am, and how it has such potential to get better.
You know what?
It's everything.
I hope you find your excitement and happiness, wherever you happened to find it.
x
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